Next Up for OCCRG

Results

The complete MRI results were given to me today.
They SUCK...but...I will have surgery and I WILL recover.  I will survive.  I will SKATE.
MCL completely torn.  ACL almost completely torn.  PCL severe strain.
So begins the road to recovery.

Matty and the Beauties took Mommy to practice tonight. I needed to say hello and get a sniff of that "derby stank."  I told myself to take a deep breath, but, it was gonna happen.  the tears flowed.  Hugs were great.  (Sweaty hugs from Deadwards always rock!)  It's been a week and I am already missing my girls.  They have been taking good care of me and our tummies.  I we are taken care of.  The OCCRG ladies can cook!  Not to mention all of the verbal and emotionally support that comes with these women!  I LOVE YOU!
Big THANK YOUS!  It means the world to me to have such wonderful peeps in my life!

Derby Hurts

Ask a Derby Girl, she will tell you.  Derby hurts.  I've had my share of bruises.  Taken my share of bone shaking tumbles.  Taken "Derby-Profin" by the handful after a great bout or a tough practice.  I've done plenty of sweating tears.  But it's all in the sport.  Part of the "badge of honor" that we wear so proudly.  We do it because we love the sport.  We love the thrill, the game.
I took a nasty fall during practice last Wednesday.  A fall resulting in instant, horrifying pain.  Pain I have never felt before.  Pain that left my teammates surrounding my side, carefully removing my gear, telling me to take deep breaths, whispering.  I left practice in an ambulance.  In the ER, I was x-rayed, given good pain meds and examined.  The doctors said nothing was broken, but that I most likely dislocated my patella.  It was back in place, as much as it could be with the massive swelling to the area.  They told me with this type of injury to the patella, more worrisome would be the joints and ligaments that were injured along with it.  I was put in an immobilizer, given a script and given instruction to rest, ice and elevate to keep swelling at bay.  Most importantly to follow up with my doc.  I have been following orders.  Resting, icing and elevating.  All the while so worried about my compartment surgery scheduled for Thursday this week.  I saw my ortho doc today.  He examined (twisted, turned, pulled and pushed) on my knee and surrounding areas.  We talked, he ordered an MRI and then he broke the news.  My surgery (fasciotomy on both lower leg compartments) would be on hold.  (Yeah you know, the surgery I have been waiting months for.  The pain I have been ignoring and pushing through since practice 1 of Derby.)  I have no stability in the left knee, which, in turn would make recovery after the surgery "not run smoothly."  Basically, it will be painful enough and difficult enough to heal and move around with the surgery alone.  He was unwilling to add a surgery on top of the knee injury. 
I had an MRI today. 
Long story short, I tore the ACL.  Repair of the ACL...SURGERY.  I also messed up the MCL which can be healed with physical therapy.  But not the ACL...surgery.
I feel like I was hit with a ton of bricks right in the face.  I know that injury is a "part" of the sport.  But really, did it have to happen a week before my leg surgery?  Really?
The pain is controlled right now.  I'm following doc instructions.  Wearing a special brace.  Icing.  Elevating.  Keeping weight off it.  The thing is, it's not the pain.  It's the disappointment.  The fact that I am done for the season.  The fact that I am now facing not one but two surgeries with lengthy recovery periods.  The lump I feel, the tearful thought of not being able to skate for months now, instead of 6-8 weeks.  The helpless feeling of not being a playing part of this team, this team that I have been with since the beginning.  This team that I have put so much, blood, sweat, tears and time into.  It's the fact that this "thing" in my life, something I love doing, something that I am good at, has been ripped away.  It hurts.  It hurts a lot.  I know I'm not the only skater that has been injured, and I know that other injuries will occur.  But right now, it's a pity party and I am number one on the guest list.  I'm angry.  I'm sad.  I want to scream.  There have been a lot of tears shed, believe me.  I know in my brain that I will get through.  I will have the surgeries.  I will recover.  I will be better, be stronger.  But right now, it just hurts.

Countdown

The countdown is on to the 29th.  Sugar will be out of commission for 6-8 weeks.  Surgery on my lower leg compartments.  When I began Derby in October 2008, I started having severe cramping, swelling and pressure in my lower legs.  From the knee to the ankle and everywhere in between.  In the beginning it was only during practice and also on long stroller walks.  So, I would sit, stretch, massage and ice.  Over the past almost two years, I have been fighting, struggling, and trying to ignore the excruciating pain.  As my skill level has increased, so has the pain.  I began physical therapy about eight months ago.  Which helped relieve some of the pressure and tightness.  After two months of PT, my therapist mentioned compartment syndrome.  He told me (short version) what it was and to keep the thought in the back of my mind.  As the pain progressed, especially in the last five months, the amount of PT also increased, my endurance level decreased, and the amount of times during practice I had to sit and remove my skates became more and more frequent.  the pressure was so high that the tightness in my lower legs is crazy, there is no give at all when you push on the muscles in the sides of my legs.  Not to mention the bruising.  In May, he referred me to an orthopaedic surgeon.  I decided to have the stress test done (which was awful)  my resting pressure was more than twice the highest normal number resting and was diagnosed with compartment syndrome in both legs.  Only option for relief and cure...surgery.  PT wasn't working.  Not only is the pain during skating, but now every stroller walk, stairs, and just walking around in general.  The tension and pressure has become unbearable.  Surgery it will be.  they will make three 2-3 inch incisions in each leg, severing the membrane around the lower leg compartments.  Yep...gonna have some sweet scars.  This will allow the muscles to expand, releasing the pressure and fluid filling the compartments.  (If you are into pictures and google, check it out, the pictures are creepy.)
I will admit, I have a very high pain tolerance.  I tend to push myself to the limit, and this has been no exception to that.  I keep hearing Tyna tell me to sit down, and not do things that my body is telling me not to.  I hate feeling like I am quitting, like I am giving in to pain.  But, I am so ready to not fight my body.  I want to exceed my person goals, to succeed as a strong skater, to become a better athlete in general.  I love derby and cannot imagine my life without it.  I am really nervous.  The entire thing freaks me out.  Long term effects freak me out.  Losing function of my lower legs, circulation problems, blood clots to name a few.  Surgery is my option.  I am okay with it.  I know it will be more than difficult to be off skates for several months, but, the end result is what I need.  It will make me a better skater.  Hopefully I will be back up and running for our last two bouts of the season in October.  But I feel like there will be so much I am missing.  I know it will be worth it.  It will be worth it.  Look out...Here comes Sugar!

Scars and Stripes Forever

Red White (black) and Blue...A night filled with fun packed Derby Action.  OCCRG teamed up with QCR and divided the skaters into two "mixed" teams.  Part OCCRG part QCR.  I skated alongside the Belles.  It was a fantastic night, a little less competitive than usual, but still carried the desire to play hard and have fun.  That's what OCCRG does best.  The Belles were made up of a strong group of skaters, Benzo Bang, OFX, and Trip to name a few from OCCRG.  Also Mexican Monster, Lady Gotcha, El Efino and Ida Stroyder from QCR.  We were pitted against some of our best skating partners, Zom B and of course Deadwards.  The Belles pulled off the win.  Deadwards and I seemed to be on each other's game, it was fun.  In the end, I always skate better with a full roster of OCCRG skaters.  We know each other, we play together, we should, right?  We had a pretty good crowd considering it's the middle of summer and CRRG also had a bout that night.  We are building an incredible fan base, which feels amazing.  We are growing as a team of skaters, but also from the business aspect as well.  the beauties were there cheering loud for Momma (and their favorite skaters...ahem Zom B and Deadwards.)  My Dad was quite proud that I was not sent to the penalty box, not even once.  He thinks the penalty box is funny.
Once again, the after party was also a HUGE win for OCCRG.  Great times had by all.  I hear there may even be some video floating around, by not viewable to the public eye.  Heehee.  Happy hangovers to many of us on Sunday!  I LOVE DERBY! 

Thanks MckMomma. After reading this I had to make my own...
If I had a nickel ever time I said...I would be a mutli-millionaire.

Please get the cat out of the laundry basket.

Please don't wipe that on me.

Five second rule...it's still clean.

No...don't touch your poop.

Yes, poop stinks.

Is ten am too early for shots?

Stop pulling your sisters hair.

Stop biting your sister.

Get off that table...table dancing is not a great career choice.

Yes those are my boobies.

It's called a baby belly, yes, you might have one someday.

If you sleep in your own bed I will buy you a pony.

Don't squeeze the hamster.

No cannot brush your teeth again.

We do not potty on the floor.

We do not spit the milk on the windows to wash them.

Desitin is not for your face, your arms, your sisters' hair or the carpet...it is for you butt.

Please don't throw your food on the floor.

We sit at the table, not on the table.

Get down.

Get out.

Do not climb that.

Don't eat dirt...or rocks...or leaves.

Shut the refrigerator.

Get out..Mommy needs to use the bathroom.

I love having my teeth cleaned...an hour of peace.

Is six pm too early for the kids to go to bed?

Don't sit on the computer.

Elmo is sleeping.

Please stay in your bed...please.

Don't eat the crayons.

Don't write on the walls.

Yes, they are all mine.

Yes, they are triplets.

Yes, I am very busy.

Yes, I knew I was pregnant with triplets.

You are gonna get your fingers pinched in there.

We have four of everything...stop fighting over it.

Thoughts from Sugar

When I stop and look into my life from the outside world, it makes me smile.
I am truly amazing by all that I have accomplished.  My husband, the rock who supports me so unconditionally.  The one who loves me and pushes me when I need it.  Takes my hand and pulls it close when I need to slow down.  My hero.  Our Beauties.  Four incredible little girls.  Each special and unique in her own way.  Each watching every move their Mommy makes.  Each looking for approval, guidance and love.  Each learning the ways of the world every minute.  I am so proud to be their Mommy.  I hope that one day when I am old and gray they look at me and know I would do ANYTHING for their happiness.  My parents, who have molded me, taught me and supported me even if they didn't always agree with the decisions that I made.  For always being there to lend a hand, sometimes both hands.  Helping so much in the last few years especially.  My mother in law Valerie for also helping so much and molding her son into everything that he is.  My bestie, Molly.  She is an amazing woman.  I love her more everyday.  I look up to her for strength.  I look of all that she has been through and I am so proud of our friendship.  Roller Derby.  I went from an out of shape gal, with four small children, shy and very insecure in my skin, and transformed into someone who is beginning to really like herself.  The team that I play with is an amazing group of women.  Each so different, yet all looking for something more in life.  If you are not familiar with the sport, you should learn about it.  It has changed my life and helped me find something within myself that I think has always been missing.  I know that if you don't play, you may not understand entirely what I mean, but it is a true driving force to belong and to succeed in something so much greater than what it appears to be on the outside.  The women that I skate with, have become like a second family to me, my sisters.  We count on each other.  We work together.  We play together.  We have welcomed each other into our twisted crazy worlds.
Over the last six years, since becoming a Mommy, I feel like I have changed so much.  Which is good.  The change from being childless with minimal responsibilities to a Mom of four daughters with arms full of responsibilities.  I stopped working outside of the house.  I lost contact with much of the reality going on everyday around me.  Which is also okay, to a point...
It was almost two years ago (in October) that I stumbled into something.  Something in it's baby stage.  Tiny baby stage.  A Roller Derby team.  I have helped build and structure and watched this tiny team grow to over fifty women strong.  If I was forced to put the experiences I have had with this team, growing into my place on this team...Roller Derby Saved my Soul.  It continues to save me each and every single day.

Iron Diva Challenge

So you are familiar with the Iron Man Challenge, right?
What about the "Iron Diva?"  Heard of it?
Last night the coaching and training peeps came up with a big twist for practice.  The 1st Annual Iron Diva.  Skate-Crossfit-Core.  IT WAS AMAZING.
We began with warm ups outside, getting our mojo used to the paved concrete (it is very different than the polished concrete we are used to.)  The contest started with 2 miles of fast paced skating.  It continued into a weave line, into a full contact block, then a rules and regulations question.  Next on to hopping ropes, another full contact block and right into another 2 mile fast paced skate...followed by repeating the entire first part...following me?  After the final set, we transitioned out of skates and full gear and into sneakers and headed to begin crossfit.  To begin, it was down and up an insanely steep hill 10 times, following by 100 walking lunges and let us not forget the burpees.  100 of those.  Next transition...CORE.  Crunches, bicycles, planks, side planks, push ups, cat pose, swimmers.  Each exercise done 25 reps x three.
WOW.  I went into it thinking I am going to give this my all, the best.  Yes my my legs are killing me, just walking around doing the day to day stuff (surgery in 25 days!!) But damn it, I am going to prove that I am strong, a fighter.  I am not a quitter!
I did it!  All of it!  It was so amazing.  so raw, so tough.  I was in tears several times pushing my body (mostly the legs) to get through it to succeed, and I did.  I'm not sure of my ending time, guessing around an hour and 45 minutes or so.  I was surely not the first, but not the last.  I finished.  It was a very proud night for me.
Now I am ready to crawl up in a ball and wait for surgery day to get here.
After my recovery...I will be ready to take on that beast again!

Slow Down Sugar

Matt told me tonight I need to slow down.  I need to take the time to see the small things.  To take in the big picture.  To take a minute and breath and try to relax.  He is more right than he even knows.  I really don't do that very well.  I feel overwhelmed and exhausted.  I feel like I work and work and work and never accomplish much.  I am constantly doing.  It is true that I have a busy schedule.  I am a wife, a mother of four small children, I work inside the home and outside the home too.  I love my life.  But I do feel like I am drowning most days.  Am I everything I need to be to everyone who needs me?  I try to be.  I really truly try to be.  Does my husband know how much he means to me?  Does he really?  Do my Beauties know how blessed my life is because they are mine?  Do they know how much I love them?  Do they know I would sacrifice myself for their happiness and well being?  I wish there were some easy solutions to all the to-dos.  I know that there aren't.
I want to feel accomplished and successful.  I want to be the best I can be at everything in my life, but most of all the best to my husband and to my daughters.

Good Times

Full Metal Derby was a BLAST!  We played the Stateline Divas, a team from Beloit, WI.  They were a great group of ladies.  Good times were had by all.
Saturday night we will be headed to Des Moines to take on the Mid Iowa Rollers.
If you live in the area, come on down to Hy Vee Hall and check out some roller Derby.