Derby Hurts

Ask a Derby Girl, she will tell you.  Derby hurts.  I've had my share of bruises.  Taken my share of bone shaking tumbles.  Taken "Derby-Profin" by the handful after a great bout or a tough practice.  I've done plenty of sweating tears.  But it's all in the sport.  Part of the "badge of honor" that we wear so proudly.  We do it because we love the sport.  We love the thrill, the game.
I took a nasty fall during practice last Wednesday.  A fall resulting in instant, horrifying pain.  Pain I have never felt before.  Pain that left my teammates surrounding my side, carefully removing my gear, telling me to take deep breaths, whispering.  I left practice in an ambulance.  In the ER, I was x-rayed, given good pain meds and examined.  The doctors said nothing was broken, but that I most likely dislocated my patella.  It was back in place, as much as it could be with the massive swelling to the area.  They told me with this type of injury to the patella, more worrisome would be the joints and ligaments that were injured along with it.  I was put in an immobilizer, given a script and given instruction to rest, ice and elevate to keep swelling at bay.  Most importantly to follow up with my doc.  I have been following orders.  Resting, icing and elevating.  All the while so worried about my compartment surgery scheduled for Thursday this week.  I saw my ortho doc today.  He examined (twisted, turned, pulled and pushed) on my knee and surrounding areas.  We talked, he ordered an MRI and then he broke the news.  My surgery (fasciotomy on both lower leg compartments) would be on hold.  (Yeah you know, the surgery I have been waiting months for.  The pain I have been ignoring and pushing through since practice 1 of Derby.)  I have no stability in the left knee, which, in turn would make recovery after the surgery "not run smoothly."  Basically, it will be painful enough and difficult enough to heal and move around with the surgery alone.  He was unwilling to add a surgery on top of the knee injury. 
I had an MRI today. 
Long story short, I tore the ACL.  Repair of the ACL...SURGERY.  I also messed up the MCL which can be healed with physical therapy.  But not the ACL...surgery.
I feel like I was hit with a ton of bricks right in the face.  I know that injury is a "part" of the sport.  But really, did it have to happen a week before my leg surgery?  Really?
The pain is controlled right now.  I'm following doc instructions.  Wearing a special brace.  Icing.  Elevating.  Keeping weight off it.  The thing is, it's not the pain.  It's the disappointment.  The fact that I am done for the season.  The fact that I am now facing not one but two surgeries with lengthy recovery periods.  The lump I feel, the tearful thought of not being able to skate for months now, instead of 6-8 weeks.  The helpless feeling of not being a playing part of this team, this team that I have been with since the beginning.  This team that I have put so much, blood, sweat, tears and time into.  It's the fact that this "thing" in my life, something I love doing, something that I am good at, has been ripped away.  It hurts.  It hurts a lot.  I know I'm not the only skater that has been injured, and I know that other injuries will occur.  But right now, it's a pity party and I am number one on the guest list.  I'm angry.  I'm sad.  I want to scream.  There have been a lot of tears shed, believe me.  I know in my brain that I will get through.  I will have the surgeries.  I will recover.  I will be better, be stronger.  But right now, it just hurts.