If you can't be you...always be a Unicorn.

Just a couple weeks shy of four years ago, I attended my first Old Capitol City Roller Girls practice.

Little did I realize, that on that night, my entire life would change.

Kimberly-A thirty three year old married woman with four little girls ages 4 and 18 months.  I had not been involved with team sports since middle school, I had not been on roller skates for fifteen years (okay maybe more than that.)  Not to mention, for the last 18 months (plus 33 weeks of pregnancy/nine of which I was on hospital bed rest) I had been caring for my triplet daughters and my little Chloe girl.  I needed to find something to do...all for me.  Something to ease tension and get back into shape (or at least better shape.)  Something to make me feel confident and strong.  Don't misread...I LOVE BEING A WIFE AND A MOMMY.  I just needed something to take me out of reality a few hours a week.

I went to this practice with my pal "Fonda Cuffs".  She and I have been friends for many years, and she invited me to tag along and check this roller derby thing out.  I remember being so nervous.  What if I was too old?  Too out of shape?  What if I didn't fit in?  What if I embarrassed myself?  I left the practice, (which was really just five women and one referee talking about how to get this league going) went home and immediately started looking online for my skates and my gear.  Matt was so supportive.  He thought it was so great and was happy to see me smile and be excited about this new "hobby" I had found.

Fast forward to July 2010.

My "hobby" had turned into, well, a full blown part of my everyday life.  Kind of like a full time job that you didn't receive a check to do.  (Like motherhood, rewarding in so many other ways that it is worth it.  You receive "payment" in other capacities.)  It makes you feel good, whole, important and accomplished.   Practices, board member responsibilities, board meetings, human resources, scheduling practices/bouts, bouts, fundraisers, planning, promoting, paperwork....so many aspects to running a league.  I proudly shared in much of the business side of the league, as well as being a rostered skater, and I did love it, but it was a lot of responsibility and a lot to keep up with.

July 2010, I was scheduled to have a surgery on my legs to relieve an problem called "compartment syndrome."  This annoying and painful swelling in my lower legs was something I had been fighting through since joining the team in Octber 2008.  It was a fairly simple surgery and I would be off skates six to eight weeks post surgery, and then back better than before...Just a few days before my scheduled surgery, I blew my left knee at practice.  I completely ruptured PCL and MCL and dislocated the patella.  I'll be honest, it was more painful than I recall childbirth being, and also...no reward of a baby in your arms when it's over.  Long story short, in September 2010 I had major knee surgery, and now have two donor ligaments in my knee.  It was a long recovery.  Six weeks without being able to bend my leg.  Eight weeks with no weight baring and months of physical therapy, three times a week.  It was difficult, painful and discouraging, but it was just the hand that life had dealt me, so I played it.  I spent the next year bench coaching.  Being a positive force on the team, even if it was from the bench and not on my skates.  I continued with all of the other jobs I had and I was confident in my role as a coach.  However, I knew in my heart that skating was where I wanted to be.  I was determined to get there.  I would get there.  I can do anything I set my sights on, right?

I did.

On June 11, 2011 I was cleared to put my skates back on.  No contact or falling yet, but at least I could test my sea legs or knee rather.  After two more months, in September 2011, one year exactly from surgery, I was clear for contact.  Completely released for all activities (although my surgeon thought I was crazy).  

I worked and worked and worked for the remainder of the season, trying to get back to where I felt I should be.  Playing catch up with myself and with the league overall.  The game had evolved so much while I had been off skates.  Although I had the mental game and the strategy knowledge on my side...my body and skills were lagging.  The new season of bouting began in February 2012.  We traveled to Minnesota to play the All-Stars.  (How's that for my first bout back!  The Minnesota All Stars!)  It was a tough game, mentally and physically and emotionally.  It felt fantastic to be ON the track again with my team.  Although we lost (badly) I learned so much.  About derby, about myself, about myself in the role of an athlete.  I felt proud.

Fast forward to late summer 2012.  

I have continued in all of my leadership roles within the team this year, as well as skating again.  My knee feels great.  (Although the rest of my body feels really really old.)  The season has been a tough one, which is good, because we are growing as a league and becoming more competitive with amazing teams.  I have always been of the mind set that it's not about winning or losing, but about having fun.  Doing what you do because it makes you happy.  Derby has always made me happy.  

Then I hurt my shoulder during a practice.  At first I thought I had pulled a muscle, but not the case.  Still not exactly sure what is happening with it, as I have not had an MRI.  However,  I know that there is something that isn't right with it. 

The entire season has had several challenges for me individually.  I have that little voice in the back of my mind thinking...what if you get hurt again?  What if.  I have battered and bullied myself for not being as good as I want to be, not as good I have told myself I have to be.  Of course I have my strong points, and I know that.  But, I feel as though everyone around me is excelling and I am stuck in neutral.  Honestly, it's a bad feeling.  A feeling that makes you cry inside and outside.  It hurts.  So I started to do some soul searching.  What is it?  Why do I feel this way?  After several months of thought, back and forth conversations with myself about what to do, I  stepped out of a few of my roles within the league, hoping that it would help ease things, but it didn't change the way I was feeling inside.  Always at maximum stress, questioning why can't I be better?  Angry at myself for feeling like I was failing at something I wanted so much to be good at.

I have realized, the reason I feel this way, is because I have come to a crossroad in my personal life, my babies are all in school this year, and I don't want to be away from them in the evenings, because I miss them.  I want to be at home to read and do spelling tests and snuggle after bath time, every night...not just five out of seven or less on weeks we have bouts.  I am taking full time classes,as well as taking on clients and building my career, which takes a lot of time and focus to be successful.  I miss the free time with my husband.  He has been 200% supportive of derby since day one, but I miss him.  It's difficult when he has a night off work and I have to leave for practice or whatever might be happening.

With these heavy thoughts lingering in my heart and in my mind...I realized that derby filled an opening in me as a woman.  An opening I could never really pinpoint.  It made me confident and proud of myself for coming out of my comfort zone and doing something unique and challenging.  Derby taught me that I am an amazing woman, an amazing mother and and an amazing wife.  Derby taught me so much about life, about me.  So really, the thoughts that I am feeling are not heavy or negative, they are positive.  Derby allowed me to find me. 

The last four years have been an incredible journey.  

I wouldn't change anything about the way my derby story was played.  The series of events all happened for a reason.  I am proud to say I was part of OCCRG, a part of roller derby.  I am so graced to have met so many terrific people.  People who have changed my life in so many positive ways, people that love me and care about me.  I know that those people will be forever in my life, with derby or without derby.  They have made a hand print on my heart.  I am honored to have helped build this league and look forward to watching it continue to grow.  

I am ecstatic looking toward my future... to be an old gray haired grandma, telling my grandchildren that I WAS A ROLLER GIRL!

It is with sw33t tears, that I will hang up my skates after the bout on Friday night.  

This chapter has come to an end.  

I look forward to beginning the next chapter in my life's journey.

               I always say, "Happiness is a Journey, not a Destination."

Yesterday Today and Forever ...

Just Sugar

Me, myself and I

Let's face it...

I have not been taking the necessary time to escape from reality.
Time to relax, time to revamp, recharge, refocus.
Because of this...there are a few aspects that are suffering.  My sanity.  My family.

My number one IS my family, which in the last several months, I am sad to say have had way too many "grouchy mommy" moments.  Way too many "just a minute, while I finish this."  More than enough "be patient, Mommy is almost done."  Too many feelings of Mommy is too busy for me right now.  Too many emails, too many contracts, too many phone calls, too much paperwork, too much follow up, too many meetings.
Mommy is stressed and therefore, my number one feels it to full extent.  MY FAMILY WILL COME FIRST.  My wonderful husband, he is patient, thank heavens, or I'd be up a shit creek.  Enough said.  He doesn't deserve that.  He deserves the real me.  Not the overstressed model.  My Beauties deserve all of my attention...all of the time.  Which is the Mommy I always hope to be and try to be.  But I feel like I am failing.
Simply stated, I have too much on my plate.  I need an overhaul.  I need to get back to what is the most important to me.  Because that man and those four little girls are all that TRULY matter in this life.

So what does that mean?  Well I guess it's time that me, myself and I have a sit down.

It's bout time.

It's the countdown.

The time is almost here.

Old Capitol City Roller Girls will be traveling to Minnesota this Saturday to take on the Minnesota Roller Girls All-Stars.  We re ready.  We are strong.  We are focused.  

This will be OCCRG very first WFTDA sanctioned bout.  We could not be more excited that the number 2 team in our region (north central) will be our first sanctioned bout.  I mean really, could that be ANY MORE AWESOME?

We have learned so much from them.  We hope we make them proud of how far we have come.

In addition to this just being an amazing bout, it is also a HUGE milestone for me personally.  This will be my very first bout back from my knee injury.  July 2010 was the last time I was on a roster.  My injury occurred on July 21, 2012 and surgery followed on September 9, 2010.  I have been skating full throttle since June 2011, my first practice back on skates was the day after the Minnesota gals came here to play.  Weird.  I was back at full contact in September.  I have been working my ass off and I am ready to roll.  

My knee feels great!  My spirits are great!  I learned so much during the time I spent bench coaching.  About the game, about strategy...about myself.  

I am pumped to be back on the track with a team of women I am so proud to be a part of!  What a great challenge...I am ready...we are ready!

Let's do it.

This place about to BLOW.

My own Bully...not any more

I am Sugar!  Hear me ROAR! 
I will NOT be my OWN BULLY!  I WILL NOT BE MY OWN BULLY!
I will overcome my own personal inner demons and I will come out on top.
I will.
Fuck you.  You mean inner BULLY.  I am not listening to you anymore.
I am Sugar.
I think I can.  I KNOW I WILL.

New Beginnings

 

Old Capitol City Roller Girls had a night of new beginnings at our Roll Out event Friday night.

New website, new logo, our newest skaters showcasing all they have learned in the past eight months!

It was a great time!
The team as a unit is doing fantastic!  We are rolling right along.  Almost through our apprenticeship.  Kicking ass and taking names.
On a personal note, Sugar is struggling. 
I am elated to be back in my skates.  Taking and giving hits.  Participating in full contact drills and pushing my body like it has not been pushed since last July.  That being said.  My mind is ready.  I want it so badly.  I want to be great.  To conquer all challenges.  To be a force on the track.  But my body isn't doing what my mind is telling it to. 
Practices are frustrating.  Emotionally exhausting.  I find myself on the verge of tears many times throughout the course of every single practice, because I feel like I cannot keep up.  My endurance sucks.  My blocks suck.  My balance is off.  My feet don't do what they are supposed to do when they are supposed to do it.  My penalty count is ridiculous.  I am not as skilled as I want to be, as I was, as I feel like I should be.  I feel like I am lost.  I am my own bully.  In the worst possible way.  Constantly telling myself "You're not good enough. Try harder, you suck, Sugar."  Feeling like I am wasting my time because I will never catch up to the skill level of the rest of the team.  I feel discouraged and disheartened.  
I feel sad because I know it is the most pessimistic attitude to have.  I know I need to be positive.  To give myself time.  But I find that nearly impossible to do, and it hurts.  I know there are people sitting there, reading this, thinking, get a grip, quit feeling sorry for yourself, and you are right.  I know you are.  However, for some fucking reason, I cannot seem to get out of my damn head.
  I just sit here questioning what the hell I am doing.
So what the hell am I doing?

100% clear

The results are in...my knee looks great!

My surgeon is extremely pleased with my recovery.  Everything healing, tight and stable.

I am released to full contact skating.

I am ecstatic. 

My appoint yesterday was just a few hours before practice.  So last night I went full throttle.  It felt amazing!  Oh how I missed everything about skating.  Really skating.

I have a lot of work ahead of me.  But I am determined and dedicated.  

I am excited to begin my new journey.

Sugar can skate again!

Sugar is happy.

Just Happy.

Trying not to think

I'm trying not to focus on this week.

Trying not the think about the appointment with my surgeon on Wednesday.

The last appointment I had, my hopes were high.  I thought I was going back to skating full force.  Only to be "knocked" into reality that my body wasn't ready for that yet.  

After two months of being able to be on skates with zero contact, basically skating around in circles, watching my teammates progress further without me, I have found myself to feel more discouraged than when I was unable to skate at all.  Strange huh?  Ungrateful, maybe?  But, I can't help my feelings, right.  It has been more difficult to be able to put on the skates and not be able to go full throttle, than to not have them on at all because I have that taste in my mouth.  The feeling running through my veins again.  I remember the adrenaline rush of lacing up my skates, my wheels under my feet, and I want it all.  I want it all.  Not half of it, all of it.  My brain has made my listen to my surgeon.  Only do what I am clear to do-no contact.  Only endurance.  Listening to my body when it tells me to slow down, or stop and take a break.

My appointment Wednesday will be just two weeks short of one year post knee surgery.  One year marking the magical time that my surgeon said he would not clear me for contact/competition before reaching that point on time.  My brain understands why they long period of time.  My heart argues.

Will that time really be here?  I am calm about it right now.  My brain is telling me to be patient.  It is saying that there is a good chance that he will tell me that my knee is still not ready.  That the grafts still need more time to heal.  My brain is telling me that this makes sense.  That I have to be understanding if this is the outcome of the assessment.  My heart however, is racing.  Will it finally be time?  Will I finally be able to skate?  Skate the way I really want to skate.  Full contact.  Full power.  Full Sugar.  What does that even mean anymore?  My heart tells my brain it is ready.  My heart feels that it wants so badly to be in the action, on the track, racing around, really in the game.  But is my body really ready for what my heart wants?  

I know there is no way to know that answer for sure.  There is no true right or wrong answer.  I know that when the time comes, I will go with what is in my heart.  Because that is who I am.  I am just Sugar.  Sugar listens to her heart.  I always have.  In everything in my life, not just roller derby.

But I am scared.  

I am trying not to think.  I will not think.  I will shut off my heart.  I will shut off my brain.

At least not until I am sitting in that office on Wednesday...then I can't promise anything, because my brain will inevitably lose to my heart...and my heart will take over. 

Killing it.

Team work feels great.

We worked hard.  We practiced hard.  We played well.  Together.  We were on top of our game.  Mentally.  Physically.  The entire game.  We went in it to win.  To prove to ourselves that we deserved it.  We DESERVED it!  We  brought home the 9th win of the season, bringing us to 9-1 record, with 2 home bouts remaining this season.

We kill kill killed it...

Practice Two

Tonight was practice TWO.
It felt good.  Really good. 
I was steady in my skates.  I pushed myself hard...but not too far.  I listened to my body.
We did time trials again.  I did all four sets of five minute intervals.  (Sunday I only did three sets.)  I wasn't as fast as I was Sunday, which disappointed me a little at first.  After I thought about it, I felt better.  I still made the requirement number of laps in the time 3/4 intervals.  Nothing to be discouraged about. 
I feel proud.  I feel Strong. I feel determined.  I will reach my goals.

The time is now

Nine months ago, this was me.  Sitting in a chair, leg propped high up on a pillow mountain, on ice, in pain...a lot of pain actually.

I have been patient.  I have been well behaved.  I have followed directions.  Done countless hours of physical therapy.  I've cried.  I've felt discouraged.  Beaten.  Broken.  

I have stood beside my teammates and watched them grow.  Become amazing athletes.  Fine tuned machines.  I've coached from the sidelines, and feel I have done what I could to bring home many victories so far this season.  This team is my inspiration.  Watching them skate and grow is my inspiration.  They have stood beside me too.  Supporting me with words and hugs the entire way.  I am grateful to them always.

My time is now...Sugar is back.

Last night, after 11 months of being off my skates..It was time.

My time.

I wasn't sure if I should smile or cry.  So I did both.  Cried with my permanent grin, the entire practice.

This is where I belong, in my skates.  On the track.  The sound of my wheels spinning under me.

It was a feeling I will never forget.  Not like the first time, when I started derby...better than that.  I've known all this time what I have been missing, and I really missed it.

I felt alive.  I felt free.  I felt fantastic.  I was skating.  I was skating.  Did I mention...I was skating.

The time is now...It's my time...finally.

Cheers to me

Sugar is back.

Finding my Place

My anxious spirit went from anxious to emotional as the appointment with my surgeon didn't go as I so hoped that it would.  I saw him on April 12th.  Which was 7months and 3 days post my major knee reconstruction.  

He entered the exam room and I felt my excitement and hope climb higher and higher as I sat on the table and talked with him about the progress I have made along the way.  He took measurements.  Had me do several exercises, and then he tested the tightness in the ligaments by doing a series of bends, flexes and wiggles.  I'm sure there are much more scientific way to describe it, but that's what it feels like he is doing, so we will go with that description of his critique.  He began talking about how pleased he is with the stability in the knee.  The ligaments all feel tight and just as they should.  He complimented me in the fact that he can tell I have been continuing "diligently" with my physical therapy (as instructed) by him and my therapist.  He said he could not be more impressed with my healing and progress since the surgery.  I beamed smiles.  Knowing proudly inside that I have done everything I have been instructed to do, since day one of injuring my knee.  From icing, to resting, to bending in a prone position for months.  EVERYTHING I HAVE BEEN TOLD.  I waited for him to continue, but he didn't.  He looked at me and then said, "I'm sure you are wondering when you can get back onto your skates?"  I of course answered his question before he could even finish the sentence.  "YES?!"  

He began the next part of the conversation slow and concerned, but stern and deliberate.  "Before you had the surgery, we talked about the time frame for full recovery.  You had a very extensive reconstruction of your knee.  One that takes time to heal completely.  From the beginning I told you it would be a MINIMUM of 9-12 months before you would be ready physically to be back on your skates.  I feel VERY strongly about that 9-12 months.  Right now we are only 7 months post surgery and at this point, I will not even consider clearing you medically.  You are not there yet, your body is not ready.  I will be completely honest with you,  I will more than likely not give you medical clearance until you reach that 12 month mark.  There is too much risk for rupture to the grafts.  Too much risk in re-injury this soon.  You have to give the grafts time to heal and continue to strengthen the muscles around it.  Aside from the PCL graft, we also completely reconstructed the MCL, it takes time for your body to regenerate and heal the tissue around both of the ligaments.  Even though it feels good, it is still healing.  I know that you feel ready, but as your doctor, I do not feel that you are."

Crushed.  I was crushed.  Fighting with everything in me not to burst into tears on the exam table in front of him.  Please don't start crying in front of him.  Too late.

"I would like to see you again in 3 months and we will reevaluate things at that time.  But until then, keep up the great work.  You are clear to do anything you feel comfortable doing, except skating.  Not pivoting/cutting type motion in the knee."

That was it.  I sat in the exam room alone for what felt like forever.  Tears streaming.  Sobbing.  Why did I let myself think that he was going to give me different news?  I was so angry at myself for getting my hopes up.  Thinking about that stupid new mouth guard I just made.  The new laces I just put into my skates.  The custom fit knee pads I had been researching for weeks.  Talking about playing with my team later this season.  Skating at practices again.  All for not.  Because I still have five months before I can skate.

As I left the office and drove away, I found that I was literally heaving I was so upset.  I'm Sugar.  I'm a fucking skater.  I'm not supposed to be standing on the sidelines.  I'm Sugar.  I called Matt.  He didn't know what to say, so he said nothing.  

I know that it all makes sense.  I know my body is the only one I have.  I know that the proper amount of time is critical in the long term health of my knee.  I know that.  But it still hurts inside.  I'm still sad.  Truthfully, the only people that can truly understand that feeling, are the ones that have sat on the sidelines with an injury and watched their teammates play without them.  It hurts.  I cannot even begin to describe what it feels like, and I wouldn't wish it on anyone.  

It took me several days and lots of tears to digest the fact that the 2011 season will not see Sugar on the track.  I can be okay with it because I have to be.  My sweet little Chloe is very concerned that her Mommy will not skate again.  I promise her that I will skate again.

I don't question my role on the team.  I know where I stand.  It isn't that at all.  I love this team and I know this team loves Sugar.  This team is forever a part of my life.   

I look at my new role as a line coach and I am proud to be in that position.  I know this game.  I am strong in the position and confident that I am where I should be for now.  I am learning so much and hope that I am a calming face to my teammates, a strong and confident leader off the track.  I hope that know how honored I am to be one of their coaches.  Just as I was honored to skate beside them.

I look at this amazing group of woman that work so hard to make this team successful.  It takes my breath away every single time.  We are kicking 2011 in the ass is so many ways and I don't just mean winning.  We fit the definition of the word TEAM in every way and I AM PROUD.

So every time I think about not being on skates right now, I am going to stop, think about how far I have come since July 21, 2010 when I was first injured.  Think about how I had a major knee surgery and have come through it with shining colors.  How things have changed for a little while.  Then I am going to think about November 2008, when I first found this team of 5 women, at a time when I needed it in my life just for me.  I helped grow and shape it into what it is today.  A TEAM of over 50 strong, beautiful woman, I am proud to call my TEAMMATES.  I am going to remember why I love this team, why I love roller derby and remember it is a part of me...whether I am on my skates...or not.

Because...

"I am just Sugar"

Anxious Spirit

It's been eight long moths since I blew my knee.  Eight L--O--N--G months since I have been in my skates.  Eight months since I have been watching my team play from the sidelines.  

We are one month into our bouting season, and what an amazing month it has been.

We began with our home opener on March 12th.  We took on the Quad City Rollers.  A familiar rival, who were eager and ready for our challenge on the track.  OCCRG played strong, as a team.  Focusing on strategical game play.  Playing smart.  Game one was a victory in many ways.

Game two, just one week later, we faced off against the Unholy Rollers of the Mad Rollin Dolls.  A WFTDA team.  A new set of challenges.  A new caliber.  We went in giddy with excitement to have been invited.  Excited just to skate and learn from these experienced skaters, most of which have been skating for double the time we have been.  The game was intense from the first jam until the last jam.  We pulled out a win by a mere 2 points.  It was by far and most the most difficult one to be standing on the sidelines for.  I wanted to be skating so badly.  To be a part of that victory so much.  Not even the victory, just the experience of it.  Our first WFTDA bout experience.  A huge deal as a skater to be a part of something so memorable.

Game three, one week later, we take on the Des Moines Dames, in Des Moines.  We were ready.  Fired up.  Ready to go.  We took win number three, after a physically tough game.  

Going into April.  We are off this weekend.  Ready for home bout number two.  April 9th we host the Kansas City Roller Warriors - Plan B.  This will be our first WFTDA league to host.  Also a big milestone.

I am still co coaching the line with Tyna.  It's going well.  We are very strong together.  We communicate with each other well.  We read each other.  Our strong points and weaknesses balance.  It's difficult being behind the line.  Always afraid to make the wrong call.  Send in the wrong combination.  Make a mistake.  Which unfortunately, sometimes happens.  We are human, it happens.  Like in Des Moines when I almost had a jammer call the jam when she wasn't lead.  Thankfully for me, she didn't see me telling her to call it.  However, I still think about it.  Feeling stupid.  Like I could have potentially had her sent to the box.  Really fucked things up.  I feel like a fish out of water behind the bench.  I know what I'm doing.  I know the game.  I understand the game.  I know the rules, the mindset.  I get it.  But I feel like I just don't fit "behind the bench."  I feel like a piece of my spirit is gone, left on the track.

I am taking it all in stride.  Getting closer to meeting with my surgeon for my last follow up appointment.  The follow up appointment that should either clear me to put my skates back on OR tell me that I still need to wait, keep doing more PT on my own.  Every time I think about that appointment I get excited.  My heart begins to race.  I smile from ear to ear thinking of getting into my skates and picking right back up where I left off.  Then second later I feel like I am going to vomit.  My eyes well with tears.  Fear overcomes every inch of my body.  What if they say I shouldn't skate.  What if they say I am clear and I'm too afraid?  What if I fuck up my knee again?  What if I get back on my skates and suck so bad no one wants me back on my skates?  What if I forgot everything?  Everyone else has far surpassed where I was eight L--O--N--G months ago.  I'm so behind, it's like I am staring all over again?  Will I ever get back where I was?  Will I ever be as good as they are now?  I'm so scared of what is to come.  Then aside from all that.  Not everyone in my life is super crazy about the idea of me putting the skates back on.  "Sugar Daddy" is supportive.  He says he backs me in whatever decision I make.  But there are a few that are not at all supportive of it.  Which will make it difficult as well.  

July 21st, 2010 broke my knee.  I will prove it didn't break my spirit.  I have to prove that to myself.  

Little Milestones

I graduated from "formal physical therapy" today. Can I get WOOT WOOT!!
It has been 6 months since the dreaded injury of the knee.  I am four and a half months post surgery.  I am counting down the days until May when I am clear to don my beautiful Quads again and remember what the wind in my helmet feels like.  Baby stepping.
It seems like so long ago.  But I am cleared to continue my PT on my own.  No more supervised visits.  Clear to do all that is within my comfort level at a slow and gradual pace.  Slow and steady, I promise. 

OCCRG is in full swing preparing for our "jam packed" 2011 season.  Our first bout March 12th at home.  It will be a season full of growth and excitement.  I cannot wait to see how things develop over the next year.

Little Gifts

Sometimes you meet someone who touches your heart.  I am lucky to have several friends that I can say this about.  Ironically, many of them are women I have met through derby!  I feel very blessed to have such strong, wonderful women in my life.  Women who believe in me.  Women who push me to be my best.  Women who count on me to push them to be their best. 
I have looked at derby from both sides now.  The side where you look out from the track as you skate your ass off.  Pushing through practice drills, or bouting a tough team, as well as the side where you stand in the middle of the track or along the side lines and cheer for your sisters, wishing you could be at their side.  Being on the outside of the track is difficult place to be.  Emotion eats at your insides.  You know in your heart you are a part of the team, however the gut punching truth is that you are in fact "looking in from the outside."  It sucks.  It hurts.  Since the beginning I have have the mindset that I am committed to my team.  Good or bad.  Easy or difficult.  Win or lose.  Skater or not.  I am committed.  It is a feeling that is difficult to describe to someone who has never been a part of this type of sisterhood.  How you can love an activity that much.  But any derby girl knows that feeling.
I was reminded tonight, from a woman who has been very special to me since day one of my derby conquest. 
Long story short, during practice tonight, we were running an endurance drill.  It was a tough drill.  Lots of sprinting and lots and lots of laps.  She told me afterward that I was her inspiration to continue.  That she couldn't quit or complain because she looked at me and knew that I would trade places any day to be able to be working my ass off completing that drill.  Thanks Bang!  I needed that.  You are my inspiration too!  I cannot wait to get back into my skates...and kick some ass...on the track.  I'm sick of looking in from the outside.

Five more months

I am officially 4 months past knee surgery. 
Things are coming along very well. 
I am getting that itch to say the least. 
I met with my surgeon today and he said everything is looking and more importantly, feeling great!
Mobility (bending) is far ahead of schedule back to full range of motion in the bending department.  Lots of tough work, but yeah me!  Stability is great.  PCL Graft is tight.  MCL is tight.  Strengthening is going great.  I've been doing my PT as directed. I am actually able to cut down to just one a week in office now, doing all the rest on my own at home.  My surgeon was so pleased with my progress.  So pleased in fact, I dropped the question today...da-da-dannnnn...When can I get back on skates?
He said..."Well, eventually you will be there, but you are not there yet.  Still baby stepping.  Taking care and precaution to not strain and stretch the graft.  No pivoting/cutting motion yet.  Too much risk in re-injury this soon.  It is my recommendation that you are nine months past surgery before putting on your skates."  I can do it.  Five more months...seems actually pretty soon.  I could not be more happy with the report of progress.  Not to mention, it feels really good!  I am free to do pretty much anything low impact which is great because I feel like a big fat toad. 
I know the next few months will fly by.  I count on it flying by.  Soon...I will be back on skates with my OCCRG sisters!

V is for Victory

I think back to a year and a half ago, June 2009, when we first faced off with the women of CRRG, I remember being so nervous, so fresh, so new.  It was our second bout ever and we didn't have much of a chance against the seasoned CRRG.  We were still wet behind the ears at the game of derby, still trying to figure out the game. 
Last night, we came with our game face on.  Adrenaline pumped strong as we took the track.  We came in strong and continued strong through the entire bout.  We were ready to play hard and ready to prove ourselves in the corridor as a force to be reckoned with.
Old Capitol City Roller Girls took the track in Cedar Rapids against the Helldorados last night and came out with our eighth win of the 2010 season.  (We stand at 8-2 with one bout to go in 2010.)
It was a night of high emotion, hard hits and amazing strategy from OCCRG.  We have been working hard at playing smart, keeping our eyes open and staying focused, which showed in every aspect of the bout last night.  We had solid walls, protected our line, and made sure we were quick to react when CRRG made their moves on the track.
Our ladies in the star panties all made jamming look easy as they weaved in, through and past the pack scoring point after point.  Our defense was amazing.  Accurate, well timed blocks held CRRG jammers back and assisted OCCRG jammers quickly through the pack.  We knew where we needed to be and we executed.
The score at the half was 39 to 107 OCCRG.  As we huddled in the locker room, we knew CRRG would bring it strong in the second half with a vengeance, and they proved us right.  They came out hard hitting and ready, but OCCRG continued to dominate the track.  Sticking faithfully to our strategy, playing smart and uniting as a team.

In the end, OCCRG took the win at 182 to 91.
A very proud victory for all of the Old Capitol City Roller Girls.

Great Customer Service

Here's the set to the scene...
I am on crutches, still.  I needed to attempt a quick errand alone, as we needed a few household staples.  I am getting pretty talented carrying one or two things and still managing to get from point a to b with said crutches.  After physical therapy, I headed to the always wonderful Kmart.
I entered and headed to the customer service counter.  I was greeted by a lovely woman (who looked like she smokes 4 packs a day and uses the tanning bed at least twice everyday.)  I politely asked if I could please have a plastic bag to put a few items in.  She could clearly see, that I was "walking" with crutches and that obviously I was unable to push a cart or carry one of the plastic handled baskets.  As she stood there looking at me as if it was the most outrageous question she had ever been asked, I explained to her that I needed a few things, and could not carry them all and maneuver the crutches at the same time.  She replied with "I'm sorry, we don't "give" these bags away."  Okay great!  I'm not asking you to "give" it away.  I'm asking if I may please have one, to place my items in and then pay for them and then my items can be placed back into "that" bag when I check out.  She continued to stare at me, and then repeated, "I'm sorry we cannot give these bags away."  Really?  Really?  I'm sorry, how big of a moron are you?  I think the tanning bed has fried your brain cells.
I crutched through the store grabbing my toothpaste and deodorant, carrying mascara in my teeth.  As I approached another woman she said, is there anything I can help you find?  "Actually, yes there is.  When I came in I asked for a bag"...long story above.  I then noticed that she was a manager.  She asked if she could "assist me with gathering the rest of my things?"  Nope, a bag to carry them in would have been great, but obviously, your customer service employee ogre would not give me one, so these three items will do, I will continue said item shopping at another store.
More than likely, they will NOT see my face in that shit-hole again.  Why can't Target be closer to home?  Oh right...because I live in the fricking ghetto.
Assholes.

OCCRG talks with Yale Cohn