Calgon...take me away...

Do you every think that something sounds like a great idea and as you go forth with it, you realize that maybe you should have thought it threw a bit more intensely. I have learned NEVER EVER tell your four-year-old that you "maybe"will do something. Unless of course, you know for positive that you are going to be able to do it. I made that mistake today. We headed out this morning to the rec center/park for tot time. Due to maintenance indoors, tot time was canceled and we decided to hit the outdoor play area. Which would have been great except for the 3 inches of rain that fell last night...creating muddy sand, mud puddles and wet grass. No I am not a clean freak...wait...yes I am. I have learned to let go of that a bit...however, I have three toddlers. There is s a reason they are called toddlers, and it is not because they walk gracefully. The triplets were able to swing a bit, and I did let them cruise around on foot, but the grass was gross, wet and muddy and I HATE sand! They were less than thrilled about going back into the stroller. I admit I am anal, but I have the right I guess. Three is two more than one and I was not in the mood to throw in an extra round of baths today! Every other day is plenty for me. Chloe was soaked head to toe and her shoes full of wet sand. Gross. We decided to venture to the ped mall and have a grilled cheese for lunch. Here is where the mistake comes into play. I mentioned to Chloe that we might (stressing on the "might" part) be able to run in the fountain after lunch and "IF" she was a good listener. You can imagine her excitement. Downtown was a bit crazy. Lots of people, students, workers and just your general public...starring at us...as usual. Just didn't seem to have the tolerance for it today. I am getting better with that too. Some days though I just want to take my children out and be normal, not a public scene. The listening skills were even less than I expected, so you guessed it by now...we did not run in the fountain. Instead, we had a tantrum all the way to the van. A literal meltdown. I feel in my heart I did the right thing, by not rewarding unwanted behaviors. I did not reward the non-listening. Let's face it, the type of listening I am talking about is, "stay with Mommy, please do not run too far ahead of me and please hold on to my hand or the stroller as we cross the busy street." All rules I feel well within her range of understanding. Not new rules. Not a surprise that I would tell her these things. However our ears needed a cleaning today. I felt like a horrible parent who had not an ounce of control. Embarrassing. Tiring. Frustrating. So we came home. She was fine as soon as we were in the van. All was forgotten and the fountain a distant memory. I know the onlookers will not remember us (I hope) and I know I am a good Mommy who is usually patient. But today I sure could have used a tub filled with warm sudsy water and a glass...ahem...bottle...of wine and maybe a sedative or three.

More Time

Some days go by quickly and others seem to go at a normal pace. Some days I cannot seem to find enough time to fit it all in. Scratch that...I mean everyday I seem to not be able to fit it all in. I have good intentions. I am a semi-organizer person. Organized chaos that is. If I could just clone myself (think that movie Multiplicity) to do all the things I wish did themselves. Laundry, dishes, grocery shopping, shaving my legs...you know all the stuff that is a giant pain in the a&$. But I can't so I just complain about it. It makes me feel better. Sometimes. Well, maybe not. Nope, I don't feel better. When Chloe was a baby I was a fly by the seat of my pants kind of Mommy. We went. We did. Things just always seemed to get done. We had no schedule. She slept when she slept and she ate when she was hungry. No specifics. When the triplets graced my world. It took me almost a year...but they are on a schedule. Naps. Meals. Bedtime. Schedule. However, I still to this day, sometimes do not get a shower until night. Hmm. Where can I schedule in that shower? Maybe I can do the dishes and the laundry in the shower and skip shaving my legs? It just might work...

Attempt

I keep trying to get myself into fitness mode. I have been doing it for almost a year now. I stopped breastfeeding the triplets the last week of May. Instead of losing weight, I lost my boobies and gained more weight somewhere else. I try to pay attention to what I am eating. The girls eat well balanced meals and snacks. Well, the girls meaning the triplets, Chloe doesn't eat much of anything. I try to stay clear of things I know I should stay clear of, most of the time I do fairly well. Those that know me, know that I am ALWAYS moving. Up, down, back, forth, chasing one, picking up one, holding another. All day everyday. So it's not like I am sitting around watching soaps and eating bon bons. I am still trying to lose...well...I am not going to go there with how much...but let's just say trying to lose a significant amount. I am out walking with the girls several days a week. Although we never seem to get far, or go very quickly. Someone is always throwing a button, or a sippy cup from the stroller, or collecting a clover flower from a yard, or picking up a pretty rock. Oh, I work up a good sweat all right. By the time we arrive back home, I am exhausted and usually frustrated, because the girls are ready to get out of the stroller. Thinking to myself, yep another day where I didn't seem to get in a "real workout" but feel too tired to do anything more about it. I am inspired by other mothers of multiples and singletons who look FAN-FRICKIN-TASTIC. I envy you and I truly want to be there. Amongst the fit and beautiful Mommies. I want to be healthy and have more energy! I want my four beautiful girls AND my old body! Why can't I have both?

Days

We all have those days. Today has been one of them.

Woman

I have decided that I want to become a writer. I have decided I want to become a photographer. I have decided I want to be a role model. I have decided I want to be an inventor. I have decided I want to become a professional something...maybe someday. I have decided I LOVE being a wife. I have decided I LOVE being a mommy. I have decided I LOVE the choice of being able to be at home with my girls. I have decided I love being able to wake them up, and be here at night when their heads are sleepy. I have decided I love looking into my little girls' eyes and watching them sparkle. I have decided that I cannot imagine life without them. I have decided that I will support them in what ever choices they make throughout their lives, even the difficult ones. I have decided I hope they will feel the love that I feel for them someday when they have a child of their own. I have decided that my husband is STILL the man of my dreams. I have decided there are not very many like him. I have decided it is amazing the way we have grown together. I have decided that I cannot imagine my life without him at my side. I have decided that no matter how overwhelming the day may feel, I am blessed and I am happy. I have decided that I wouldn't change one single thing about my life. I have decided that even though I have made my share of mistakes, those mistakes have taken me to where I am today. I have decided to be a good friend. I have decided to smile even when I could cry. I have decided life is so fragile. I have decided that Cancer sucks. I have decided that God has a path for each and every single one of us. I have decided that sometimes that path is so very difficult. I have decided that it is okay to question that path.I have decided that a true friend is so sacred. I have decided that sometimes it helps to scream out loud. I have decided to live everyday like it may be the last. I have decided to be forgiving. I have decided to cherish all that I have. I have decided that I know what true happiness is. I have decided that I am thankful. I have decided that I LOVE being a woman.