Thursday, October 9, 2008
I want a new Mommy!
I knew I would hear those words someday. However, I didn't think I would hear them when Chloe was only four. This morning began in the wee morning hours while I was up with Jocelyn. She didn't feel like sleeping last night. Maybe she misses her Daddy. Maybe she just needed some extra cuddle time. Big Sis was less than thrilled about it. She is still not sleeping in her own bed. Her nighttime resting place is in our bed. I wish there was an easy solution to this problem. The sleeping with us began, as many of you know, when she was a baby. We were doing pretty well there for a while, getting her to at least go to bed at night in her bed. (Us laying down with her of course.) She would stay in bed for a few hours and then come downstairs to crawl in bed with us. It seems lately that we cannot even get her to stay in her bed for a short time. It also seems that even when she sleeps with us,she senses immediately when we exit the bed and leave the room. As soon as we leave the room, she wakes and starts to cry. She says she is scared. We have resorted to taking her to bed with us every night. I know this is a bad habit. A bad habit that we cannot seem to break. We have tried SO MANY things to break the cycle. Ticket game, prizes, flat out bribery. It will not work with her. This morning she freaked at about 5 am, when I went to pick up sobbing Jocelyn. After getting her calm and placing her back in her bed, Chloe literally clung to me for the next three hours. Saying she was afraid I was going to leave her alone again. The morning spiraled from there. Silvie had a doctors appointment this morning in reference to her hair falling out. (The doctor said that it seemed to be nothing to worry about, the hair is already beginning new growth. It seems she is pulling it out herself. She said that this can happen in some kids.) When Silvie and I arrived back home, Chloe began where we left off...crying and upset about anything and everything. After lunch (which she refused to eat) it was time to get ready for her to go to school. The words followed me asking her and then telling her to go brush her teeth. (This is a yet another battle. She hates brushing her teeth and will not do it alone.) After I firmly instructed teeth brushing, and told her she could not go to school without brushing them, she replied with, and I quote, "I want a new Mommy! You are a mean Mommy!" My come back was "I still love you and it makes me sad that you want a new Mommy." She then began crying, sobbing rather and said she was sorry for being a bad kid. I gave her a hug and told her that she is not a bad kid, and that I love her no matter what. Tears come to my eyes just thinking about it. I am not sure what I am doing wrong,what I can do differently. I wish some lightning bolt would strike and the answer would come to me. I want her to be secure, to be confident. What point do I become concerned that she maybe too sensitive? Why is she scared of being in another room without me? Our home is a comfortable one. Small and cozy. I can hear what is going on in any room no matter where in the house I am. How do you explain that to a four year old? We arrived at school, she was excited to see her friends and play. After I returned to the van, I cried. All the way home I cried. I love her with my entire being. It makes me ache that something is bothering her and I cannot figure out how to fix it.
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4 comments:
Oh Kimberly, how I wish I could take your pain away. I can feel your pain and have went through many struggles like this with my oldest Miranda. At age 10, almost 11, Miranda still does not like it when I do anything without her. Many, many times when she was younger she would stand at the window and cry because she was not going somewhere with me. I still haven't figured out the magic thing to help her understand that its okay. The one thing that I have found that helps tons is just reassurance that I love her and saying a prayer before bed EVERY night. It goes something like this:
Dear lord,
Thank you for the day you have given us. Please be with Miranda while she sleeps tonight, help her to remember that tv is not real and to chase those bad dreams away.
In Jesus name we pray,
Amen.
This worked magic with her bed time/dream fears. Unfortunately she is just like her Grandma and has very vivid dreams that directly reflect what has happened during the day and what she watched on tv. Oh and she still sleeps with the hallway and bathroom light on!!
Maybe someday we can get that turned off!!
Mandy
I know, we all knew those words were coming, BUT I surely didn't expect them this young! The teenage years are going to be fun, eh? At least we'll have each other to lean on. What one of the six doesn't do, the other ones may. I say put Farrah in her room and then she'll have a companion to be with every night!
kim, i have been here. not in the exact same way but worrying what i was doing wrong. my oldest is a thumb sucker and HAS to have her special pillow in order to sleep she also has to hold her hair in a specific way. i worry she is lacking something. that is why she needs all of these security objects. did i do something wrong. i still don't know the answer but i try to make sure that i always tell her that i love her and even though she has 3 sisters i love them all the same. it's hard becuz i don't think they even understand why they feel the way they do. sounds to me like your doing the right things!!! i know you probably would love to have her in her bed, it will happen. have you tried maybe letting her pick out a special baby that she can have in bed with her? let her pick it out hype it up and tell her how special it will be to be a big girl and sleep in her bed with her baby. Just a thought...i'll say a prayer for you!
Hugs!!!
You are a wonderful mom. Set aside the guilt and have faith that this too shall pass.
I have a VERY sensitive 4 year old little boy. Much of the same behavior. I think all we can do is love them and continually guide them along the right path. They will be stronger because of it someday.
Wouldn't it be great if kids came with yearly status updates? You could see how you were doing compared to the national average and modify your parenting tactics.
Hang in there!
kt
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