I will NOT be my OWN BULLY! I WILL NOT BE MY OWN BULLY!
I will overcome my own personal inner demons and I will come out on top.
I will.
Fuck you. You mean inner BULLY. I am not listening to you anymore.
I am Sugar.
Monday, September 12, 2011
My own Bully...not any more
I am Sugar! Hear me ROAR!
I will NOT be my OWN BULLY! I WILL NOT BE MY OWN BULLY!
I will overcome my own personal inner demons and I will come out on top.
I will.
Fuck you. You mean inner BULLY. I am not listening to you anymore.
I am Sugar.
I think I can. I KNOW I WILL.
I will NOT be my OWN BULLY! I WILL NOT BE MY OWN BULLY!
I will overcome my own personal inner demons and I will come out on top.
I will.
Fuck you. You mean inner BULLY. I am not listening to you anymore.
I am Sugar.
Thursday, September 8, 2011
New Beginnings
Old Capitol City Roller Girls had a night of new beginnings at our Roll Out event Friday night.
New website, new logo, our newest skaters showcasing all they have learned in the past eight months!
It was a great time!
The team as a unit is doing fantastic! We are rolling right along. Almost through our apprenticeship. Kicking ass and taking names.
On a personal note, Sugar is struggling.
I am elated to be back in my skates. Taking and giving hits. Participating in full contact drills and pushing my body like it has not been pushed since last July. That being said. My mind is ready. I want it so badly. I want to be great. To conquer all challenges. To be a force on the track. But my body isn't doing what my mind is telling it to.
Practices are frustrating. Emotionally exhausting. I find myself on the verge of tears many times throughout the course of every single practice, because I feel like I cannot keep up. My endurance sucks. My blocks suck. My balance is off. My feet don't do what they are supposed to do when they are supposed to do it. My penalty count is ridiculous. I am not as skilled as I want to be, as I was, as I feel like I should be. I feel like I am lost. I am my own bully. In the worst possible way. Constantly telling myself "You're not good enough. Try harder, you suck, Sugar." Feeling like I am wasting my time because I will never catch up to the skill level of the rest of the team. I feel discouraged and disheartened.
I feel sad because I know it is the most pessimistic attitude to have. I know I need to be positive. To give myself time. But I find that nearly impossible to do, and it hurts. I know there are people sitting there, reading this, thinking, get a grip, quit feeling sorry for yourself, and you are right. I know you are. However, for some fucking reason, I cannot seem to get out of my damn head.
I just sit here questioning what the hell I am doing.
So what the hell am I doing?
The team as a unit is doing fantastic! We are rolling right along. Almost through our apprenticeship. Kicking ass and taking names.
On a personal note, Sugar is struggling.
I am elated to be back in my skates. Taking and giving hits. Participating in full contact drills and pushing my body like it has not been pushed since last July. That being said. My mind is ready. I want it so badly. I want to be great. To conquer all challenges. To be a force on the track. But my body isn't doing what my mind is telling it to.
Practices are frustrating. Emotionally exhausting. I find myself on the verge of tears many times throughout the course of every single practice, because I feel like I cannot keep up. My endurance sucks. My blocks suck. My balance is off. My feet don't do what they are supposed to do when they are supposed to do it. My penalty count is ridiculous. I am not as skilled as I want to be, as I was, as I feel like I should be. I feel like I am lost. I am my own bully. In the worst possible way. Constantly telling myself "You're not good enough. Try harder, you suck, Sugar." Feeling like I am wasting my time because I will never catch up to the skill level of the rest of the team. I feel discouraged and disheartened.
I feel sad because I know it is the most pessimistic attitude to have. I know I need to be positive. To give myself time. But I find that nearly impossible to do, and it hurts. I know there are people sitting there, reading this, thinking, get a grip, quit feeling sorry for yourself, and you are right. I know you are. However, for some fucking reason, I cannot seem to get out of my damn head.
I just sit here questioning what the hell I am doing.
So what the hell am I doing?
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